i’m considering just making my blog, twitter, facebook and all of my social media private from everyone… these days you can’t express your own damn feelings and opinions without someone saying something negative and taking it out of context. as a matter of fact, everything that has been produced via typing whether it be text, blogging or messaging has been taken out of context. the amount of fights and arguments i have been in this week alone is due to the fact that people are to damn lazy to call me and/or tell me straight up in person. we lose the sense of emotion when we read, we don’t laugh because we type “lol”, and it’s always up to our own imagination to think how the text should be read. 9/10 times there is always a negative preconceived notion, and somehow a playful message like “hey xx” can turn into “hey ;) ;) (fuck me now)” and then it leads into stupid pity fights. i am convinced that no one ever fixes fights via replying back with text. i’m over texting people. i’d rather spend ten minutes just on the phone with someone rather than messaging back and forth within a duration of a day.
after another month i’ve decided to blog, damn. to be honest, the only reason why i haven’t been blogging is because my life is never on pause. this has got to be the best summer of my life. within the past month, i’ve gotten to see my boyfriend every weekend, and i’ve gone to several events including digital dreams, electric island, a boat party, and electro wild festival. work has not gotten in the way of my personal life, and i’ve been stress free. it’s such a good feeling, it’s indescribable.
i haven’t touched my blog in a good month, and it’s actually made me realize that writing about everything is actually very therapeutic for me. i am either the happiest, maddest or saddest when i decide to write… then again, i think i’m pms-ing and my period is almost two weeks late… but getting to the point.
people just like to act like they care about you and your feelings… but in everyone’s mind it’s actually “fuck yo feelings” when you decide to express yourself and lets be honest, no one gives two fucks about your problems. half the reason why i’m such a cunt is because i have no real ride-or-die person to vent to. i’ve suppressed so much bullshit this month that it has piled over and now i’m drowning in it. strong metaphor. but seriously. i just think i’m over trying to let people into my life, and i think it’s now acceptable to approach every issue through some sort of social media platform that’s not twitter.
lately i’ve been finding that it’s been really hard to talk to my boyfriend… i just don’t have the energy to wait up for him all night anymore. all he does is go out with his friends, after i get home from working all day… but i’m just saying he could have went out earlier on in the day, so i don’t have to wait up for him to talk. i’m getting sick of his whiney-ass-attitude every time we FaceTime, and i’m so over his stupid little side comments that don’t ever make any sense. he is so incredibly awesome at getting my attention at the worst times, like when i’m doing important things, writing work emails, and he’s so needy, it’s unbelievable. the worst is when i stop doing my important things just for him to be quiet… like, it’s really getting on my nerves. i’m sorry if it’s not 100% percent boyfriend time every fucking second of the day… but it’s not like it’s 100% about me either. i’m not complaining, i’m just saying. i put up with a lot of the crap i have to deal with everyday, and it’s not like my boyfriend is helping me cope with any of it… instead he makes everything harder on me. it’s like he does not understand me anymore. i believe he is just ignorant, and he just doesn’t care about what i say. i tell him time after time that i have so many things to take care of… work, bills, family, and he manages to piss me the fuck off by telling me that he really wants to see me. i apparently am the only one that can travel, and so therefore i have to travel to him because he’s “sad”. why the fuck do i always have to bend over backwards to go see him when i have all this shit going on? i think that’s unfair. i know writing about this isn’t going to make anything better, but again… my boyfriend n e v e r listens to any of my concerns. it’s like he wants to purposely likes to piss me off so i can miss my independence, and break up with him. believe me when i say this, but i really am trying to find a balance between everything in my life, and i’ve always put my relationship first, but i don’t think that’s going to be the case anymore.