well, today was more of a “i don’t know what i want to do with my life” kind of day.. considering my best friend carlos was heading to another party and my plans were to go to my cousins party, and that i did. my ex-boyfriend, who slammed the door on me two days ago, told me to come to his bbq.. which was a little odd because i don’t know how you go from slamming the door on someone to letting someone into your door.. but ok. any who, i didn’t end up going because my friends told me he invited some next girl who he was into.. so i might as well let him be happy with his life. i got back home not too long ago, and it’s currently 2:12am.. from my cousins bbq. i ended up taking like 11 shots and did a shotgun with total strangers who i believe are my friends now, lol. well.. it was fun i guess.. i mean, i did get home pretty late.. that’s about all. i don’t want to spoil any secrets or anything, but yeah.. had a blast at my cousins house. lets just say, i remember everything and the drinks were awesome. i fucking love love now!
i’m starting to get very worried.. my mother is very sick, and has been sick for a very long time now.. a little over three years to give you an estimate. my mom has diabetes, so she has trouble with most things she does, simple tasks she cannot do for very long, and most recently.. she’s been losing sight and she has huge migraines. i’ve held this in for a long time, but it’s starting to get to me.. seeing how thin my mother is now. it hit me four days into vietnam, seeing my mom pass out on my uncle’s bed.. i really didn’t know how to handle the situation. my vacation sucked to be honest, and it’s not even because of the whole break up situation.. it’s because of my mom. everywhere we went, she couldn’t go because she was bound to get sick and puke all over. my mom couldn’t eat anything because it would effect her blood sugar levels which means she could get sick.. again. while i was enjoying fine dining, my mom didn’t drink the water. when i was running around the great wall of china, my mom sat in the corner for two hours to wait for me with her bag full of medication and water. my mom hasn’t been to work in weeks, and i’m just being hard on myself because she’s already doing so much to keep me healthy.. urg.. i’m going to bed now, i’m upset.
after the whole ordeal, carlos and i headed to destiny’s to get my head out of the gutter. ordered the most chocolate-filled item, which was a cookies-n-cream cake, with a peach soda with tapioca on the side, can someone say.. delicious?! any who, carlos knows how to make me feel better, and if you think about it, he’s been around since i met my ex-boyfriend. relationships never last and friends are here to stay forever. halfway into my cake, i get a call from my ex-boyfriend’s brother’s ex-girlfriend liliana, and she calls to tell me something blah blah about my ex-boyfriend and how he wanted to call me and talk to me.. and all of a sudden i get a call and it’s my ex-boyfriend. why he called, i could have cared less because he said what he had to say, and everything i had to say i couldn’t and so.. i was not willing to give him the time and day. i mean, why should i give him the chance to apologize for all the shit he said to me forty-ish minutes ago? being the nice girl i am, i told him that i didn’t want to hear him talk because he did too much of that already, and it was time for me to talk. i told him i didn’t want to talk to him because of what he did to me and because i was still way too upset to even have a conversation with him.. he could call me back in two/three days when i feel better. of course, he ends the conversation with “i love you”.. ahaha. i don’t know dudes and dudettes.. i’m not down to deal with his kind and that type of drama. i never wanted to fight in the first place, and only wanted to apologize. i end the conversation and go back to talking to liliana. she told me it’s not a good idea to get back with him and it would be good if we don’t even associate. i think that would be a great idea considering his family hates me, and i don’t want to waste a single breath, let alone spare a second on people who don’t even have the heart to tell me things to my face. again, i let my pride down and actually wanted to apologize.. but you know what.. i tried and made the effort, i did what i could do and if that doesn’t please anyone, too bad. if people throw rocks at me, i’m going to catch them all and build a house with it. at the end of the day, i’m not crying.. i’m actually smiling because i know now that i can move on with my life, knowing i did everything i could do. i didn’t end up finishing my cake though.
today i pulled some strings.. i asked carlos to drive me to my ex-boyfriend’s house. i haven’t seen him since early april. to be honest, i never wanted to go there just be because it is war zone territory, and because i felt that i would be unwelcomed. unwelcomed i was.. considering i was standing outside his door for ten minutes, ringing the door bell to get nothing. i was a little irritated. i see lights on and both cars were home, meaning everyone was home. as i walked back into carlos’ car, my ex-boyfriend then decides to take a peak at the door, and that when i went back with all his belongings, and again i was standing there for another five minutes as i watched shadows go back and forth. he opened the door and just stood there, shaking his head, and i did the same. he didn’t step out, and put the glass door in front of me, as if i was going to attack him.. oh, but assumed i was setting him up. all i wanted to do was talk to his mother and apologize, but that couldn’t happen because i was standing outside, fighting with my ex-boyfriend about a relationship.. maybe. maybe i was fighting for the relationship, but he seemed pretty confident when he said he was happy with his life and everything that has been happening to him. i mean, what guy wouldn’t be happy to have girls around him all the time, and who would be happy to see their ex-girlfriend at their door? bitching and fighting, and very embarrassing. to have someone bitch at you while their entire family is home. my heart broke when i saw his sister come down the stairs.. she looked and me and went off. i asked if i could talk to her, but he said no.. and so i cried. at that point, there wasn’t really a point of me standing there anymore.. time flew by and i realized i’ve been standing there for over thirty minutes. i put in so much effort to do all of this, but at the end.. his belongings went on the floor and i left abruptly. why? because he said he loved me. bullshit. when you love someone, you would step outside and hear them out, but you know what sucked the most.. after he said he loved me, he slammed the door. classy. wiped the tears off my face and headed back to the car, and regretted even trying so hard and wasting my time.. yet again. that’s an hour of my life that i will never get back, and i could have used that time to save myself from the embarrassment, fighting and crying. i have nothing to look back at now because if i looked back, it would have seen a closed door, and useless items that were on the floor.. i’m happy i didn’t look back.
i think i know why i’ve been feeling the way that i’ve been feeling.. and it’s because things are changing in my life. for the good or for the bad, i’m not quite sure.. but hopefully, it’s for the better. better things come to those who wait, and i’ve been waiting for something good to happen to me for so long. tonight, carlos and i are going to go out and have another night of fun together.. we’re probably going to do the usuals.. go out to eat and drink, shop and talk about random things that is currently happening with our lives. i seriously don’t know what i would do without him, he’s makes me really happy and i forget about the crazy and dumb things in my life. carlos is my saviour, love my bro.
just noticing that my 365 project actually made my tumblr, along with the random and useless daily life posts. well.. like i said posts ago, i might just stop the whole blogging thing for a while until something great happens in my life, like getting into a new relationship. i already promised myself that this summer, i will not date anyone just to clear my mind up and to just make way for summer’s fun. so yeah, i might not even log for months, but that’s use my outlook on it right now. i might even go back into vlogging since everyone seem to have liked that. well.. i’m going to get some breakfast in my system and then get ready for work.. until then!
today, i woke up without a feeling as i got ready and off i went. carlos picked me up and we headed to yorkdale, from there we roamed the streets of downtown toronto looking or a place to eat. i ended up going to wild wings and i ate this really hot spicy hotdog stuffed in a burrito thing.. never again. my ass exploded when i got home.. lol, to much information.. but any who.. i ended up buying new docs, a bunch of new MAC lipsticks, new face primer and more lipstick from makeup forever. carlos and i then headed back to yorkdale and went back to whitebridge were we made a pit stop at colossus to watch battlefield before dropping my ass home. i just finished cleaning my room and i’m satisfied. my family from philly are coming down after i’m off work tomorrow, so i’m pretty sure we’re going to do some house activities or someshit.. blah blah. not really feeling the whole blogging thing anymore to be honest, and i’ve been hiding a lot of emotions back, just because i really don’t want to look back at this post and regain consciousness from posts that can and will possibly make me sad again.. better to conceal than reveal. well, time to make an attempt at falling asleep before three.. until then.
work was not too good today, minus the crazy sales i did today. i really disliked the end of the night where i had to throw out the garbage and stay until twelve in the morning. yea, i got home not too too long ago, and i managed to forget that a eleven year old called me hot, and some fourteen year old called me a MILF. if you think that’s disturbing.. try having an old man touching your ass while getting a picture with you. i had fans come up to me today to say hi, and i got that “hey, aren’t you that rapper’s girlfriend?”.. i laughed it off and added “EX-girlfriend and you are correct!”. the only thing that kept my spirit up was the big mac james got for me, and the cigarettes i had.. can’t go wrong with pink cigarettes. i’m still not sleeping properly and i’ve been having issues with my back.. it hurts a lot. i’m not myself lately and i really want things to go back to normal. as of now, my normal is basically flirting with my gay guy friends, just to make it seem like i really have something going on with people.. but yeah, i don’t think it’s working well. but any who, it’s one-forty-nine in the morning and i should get some sleep.. hopefully i do get some tonight. well.. until then.
it’ 3:00am on the dot and i’m obviously still up.. haven’t got much sleep since i got back home a week ago. i spent two days and a night in toronto with my cousin just to get her ready for her prom. it was nice to catch up on the monthly gossip and see her environment, because frankly, it was m first time sleeping over at her place in over ten years. we went grocery shopping at night and got some night munchies after i did her pre-prom-makeup. we watched two moves as we drink coolers, ahha. a girl’s night to be honest! i got her and her friend’s all dolled up today and i’m proud to say that my cousin won prom princess of 2012! i’m very smiley today.. but that’s about it for this late night post. i have work in the morning, and until then!
back for another season at my somewhat decent job. i really can’t wait until my friends get their old jobs back and seriously do damage to this place. as of yesterday and today, i had to go through some useless training and met the new staff. i would say i have my favourites and others.. well.. you already know my opinions, but i don’t think it’s necessary to comment on that right now. any who, i’m really pooped out right now so i’m going to wash up and catch up on game of thrones.. until then!
i just got home from the beach, and man was it fun.. well, except the travelling i mean. oh shit i forgot about my hot chocolate. alright, back to writing my tonight.. my good friend carlos came to my house and picked my brother and i up to head down to yorkdale, where we then subwayed down to woodbine and took a bus to lakeshore. oh man, it was super packed. getting on the beach was hectic because there were people everywhere, not to mention there was no phone service because everyone was texting and calling their friends to find them. i got sand in my toms, and my get are currently shit brown. i met up with my friends, talked for a bit before fireworks began. apparently prince charles and his wife were less than 50 meters away from where i was sitting. fireworks were beautiful.. but what was not beautiful.. the aftermath of getting off the beach. thousands of people headed to the exit. if you looked took a sample of man’s semen, looked at it through a microscope.. that’s what it looked like.. a bunch of running people trying to find the prized egg. it was horrible. it took me an hours walk to get to the subway station, then subway ride to yorkdale where carlos parked his car. we drove to tim hortons to get hot chocolate and here i am.. drinking my hot chocolate.. very good day. :)
